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Week 19 ~ I am

A  fissure opened behind me recently as I was walking down a hallway.  My posture changed, my walk changed, my smile changed, my “be-ing” changed.  In that instant, I knew, I just knew, that nothing would ever be the same.  The struggle may not be over, but the game is different.  Miracles are so close I can feel, taste, smell and hear them coming.

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My old blueprint stopped me in my tracks.  Literally.  I stopped right in the middle of the hallway!  (Good thing that no one was behind me!)  It was not unlike stepping off a curb and nearly being run over by a speeding car.  In that instant, I knew that I could choose to step back up on the curb, to the safety of the known, or I could look both ways, take a deep breath, and step into the unknown future of possibilities.

As I looked back over my shoulder in my mind at the gaping gash behind me that represented the boundary of the past, my past, I could visualize jumping backwards, or turning around and running back down the hallway of time through which I had just passed.  Should I turn around?  Or did I dare keep moving forward into the future and the manifestation of my purpose and dreams?  I knew my answer instantly.

For the first time in a long time, I KNOW and ACCEPT that I am whole, perfect, strong, powerful, loving, harmonious, healthy and happy.  I do not belong in the past, for I no longer fit there.  Just as a puzzle piece to a different puzzle, I fit in the realm of I am possible.  I am nature’s greatest miracle, a flower ready to burst forth in bloom, a sunrise about to fill the night sky with beautiful light and brilliant color.

Vain attempts to imitate others no longer do I make.  Instead I place my uniqueness on display in the market place.  I proclaim it, yea, I sell it.  I begin now to accent my differences; hide my similarities.  So too do I apply this principle to the goods I sell.  Salesman and goods, different from all others, and proud of the difference.

I am a unique creature of nature.

I am rare, and there is value in all rarity; therefore, I am valuable.  I am the end product of thousands of years of evolution; therefore, I am better equipped in both mind and body than all the emperors and wise men who proceeded me.

(Greatest Salesman in the World ~ Og Mandino

I have been attempting to imitate others, to follow a path that was not mine.  I thought I was being a good student, learning the things that I did not know.  I now realize that authenticity matters.  Without my true nature as my foundation, nothing I build in the future will stand.  The difference now, today, is that I understand what my true nature is, that I no longer have to apologize or justify who I am, or what my dreams are.  butterfly-1984934_1920-2What a fabulous feeling!  I feel as though a beautiful butterfly has suddenly burst forth from the chrysalis, sparkling in the sunshine, admiring her own beauty.  Whoa, you mean I can admire my own beauty?  Now that is a new experience!  I look in the mirror and see God’s wonderful creation and not perceived flaws. As my vision changes from within, I know my vision of others will change as well.  I love this journey!

As I sat and looked back as an observer, instead of the “experiencer,” many things came to me.  I wrapped the frightened little girl in safety, and introduced her to the warrior protector that is also within me.  I showed the lonely teen unconditional love and she believes she is worthy of accepting others’ authentic affection and can recognize what is inauthentic.  I gave myself permission to not accept negative feedback from people whom I have not invited to provide an opinion.  I unlocked and opened the doors in the walls I had built for protection (that were supposed to keep evil out) that only kept pain and suffering in.  The light of the Love of God now streams throughout each cell  of my being. It always has, I just forgot to see it!

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Week 17 ~ Thinking and Thanks-Giving

 

 

 

 

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2016 was one of those years; you know the ones, where you look back and say, “Well, I’m glad that’s over!”  I used to say that it was a tough year, or a bad year, or some other negative adjective to describe the pain, anguish, or loss experienced.  In fact, just today, I described 2016 in exactly that way.  Now, as I reflect on the year, and what has transpired, I find I need to revise my list, and how I look back.

In order to provide some context for this post, let me tell you a story.  I was in a personal and business development training program for rapid results.  Part of this path is learning what roadblocks you are constructing and allowing to detour or stop you.  The trainer asked “Who was the person who you had the most trouble getting along with when you were young?”  Of course, the answer was in my mind in a nano-second.  It was my Mom.  The trainer then told us that this person was the person who had the most to teach us, and who we should be grateful to for the lessons we learned.

 

rock-crash-273703-2Of course, my immediate response was “Nope, you have to be mistaken!”  (Actually, this is not what I said, and the abbreviation is NFW!)  Roadblock immediately dropped right in the middle of my path.  I talked, I questioned, I prayed about this.  There had to be another answer.  There HAD to be a different person, a kinder teacher.   “Are you sure it wasn’t my Grandpa?”  All of the “what abouts” came up out of the dark and into my mind during the days, and even in my sleep.  What was this deep lesson that I needed to learn?  I could not be open to more pain, more rejection, more let down.  I WOULD NOT go through all of that again.

So, I went back to the trainer.  She is also a highly trained and experienced hypnotherapist.  I asked for a personal session to get to the bottom of this.  Think of it as a guided meditation with someone who can lead you through your mind to help you find answers to questions you didn’t realize you had.  I told her my dilemma.  I could not get past this.  I needed insight and help.  I knew that this was what had been holding me back, allowing the excuses, lowering my own internal expectations.  My subconscious was working against me.  If this was true, I needed to know how and why; and I needed to know now.

My trainer was right.  The more time passes, the more life unfolds, the more I see it.  No, we didn’t get along.  But I did learn from her.  I can CHOOSE what lessons to accept and absorb, and which ones to examine, and reject or shelve for a later time, in case something comes along that makes them useful.  I am THANKFUL for the ability to be the Observer, to assign any feeling to thoughts that I choose.  I can choose to be the evaluator, to let the pain drop, to let go of the bag of past hurt, to learn the lessons and grow.

What did Mom have to teach me that I am now thankful for?

  • Faith in God, unbending, unshaken, unapologetic.
  • A demonstrated belief that life never gives us more than we can handle if we keep on moving through it with Faith.
  • Hold your head up.  You may be a woman, but you are smart, can work hard, and with determination, can accomplish anything.
  • Family is important, but if they aren’t on your side, it is ok to not spend time with them.
  • Don’t let the arrows of other peoples’ opinions kill you.
  • If you don’t know the way, learn to read the map.
  • Sometimes life sucks; realize this, make a new plan and move forward.

What else did I learn?

  • Independence – you want it, you find a way to get it.
  • Responsibility – you get to take care of your sisters now (times were different, but I was 12, and at the time had 3 younger sisters and as a single Mom, she worked nights, so I was now the unpaid sitter).  Looking back, we all paid the price of this decision.
  • Work ethic – everyone had jobs; babysitting, housekeeping, working at a local grocery store, working on the neighbor’s farm.  This was in addition to chores – both were expected, as were good grades, good manners, and contributing to the family financially.  My sisters paid for their own braces, while still in high school.  Part of the money we earned working went into the family kitty, part went to savings.  The remaining 50% was ours to use, for clothes, shoes, coats, even school book fees.

It is still difficult to not be bitter.  How would my life be different if ….

THE BIGGEST LESSON OF ALL????

You are the woman you are today because of all you have learned, survived, thrived, groaned and grown through!!!!

Without each of these challenges, the blisters, the pain, and the tears, you would not have the empathy, the heart, the courage, the LOVE to give to the people you meet, to yourself, and to your family.  So, today, I am thankful for all of the lessons Mom taught me.  How to bake great biscuits, how to make home-fried donuts, how to sew, how to grow a garden, how to start over, how to survive and thrive on a budget, why material things don’t matter, but people do.clowns-699167-2

One year for the local Apple Festival Parade, Mom decided that our girl scout troup should dress up as clowns and perform during the parade.  We looked hilarious, and everyone really got into the act.  We had fun, and the people watching us had fun.  I’m glad that even during hard times, she found ways for us to laugh, to build memories.

Mom died abelieve-100916-2t the very young age of 49.  I was a young wife and mother, 29 years old with two daughters of my own.  Mom had remarried after her divorce from my dad, and had two more daughters who were still at home when she died.  Her second husband had died years earlier from cancer, so Mom had remarried again, this time not chosen well, and was divorced as she was fighting cancer.  This meant that my two young sisters were facing the loss of their only parent.

Shortly after she died, she taught me one more lesson.  If a doctor came to me and told me I had six months left to live, how would I spend my time?  In the time span of just 13 months, I lost my mother, divorced my husband, and lost my maternal grandmother.

Every day counts.  What you think about grows. I could choose to mourn what I had lost, what I never had,  the needs that went unnoticed and unmet.   I could choose to water the grief, pain, bitterness, and loss, or I could water the hope, faith, love and a better future on the horizon.  Most days I make the right choice, some days, I don’t water at all.  But I encourage my fellow travellers to reflect, redirect, and choose wisely.

The losses we suffered this year are still fresh; the tears still well up and spill over.  We have to remember that there are people here who need us to love them, engage with them, and be an example for them.

Thank you Mom!  I love you, I forgive you, and I forgive myself for taking this long to realize it.

This post has been simmering in the back of my mind for many weeks.  It took a lot of resistance wrestling to let it come out.  I hope you gain something from it.  Blessings on your journey to find your truth and your lessons.  I promise next week will be more upbeat!

 

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Week 15 ~ Jigsaw Puzzles, Observing, and the Choice of to Push or Not to Push the Button

There are times when I have trouble relaxing, to quiet my mind.  This pfc5f54ad606febae4943f0d95a4a1373l-m27xd-w1020_h770_q80ast week has been one of those times.  This post is going to get a bit personal, and I apologize, but that is where I am right now.

This past Sunday, my cousin Margaret was laid to rest.  She was 69 years old, and had suffered debilitating pain and lack of ability to move around from Rheumatoid Arthritis for some time.  Margaret was a nurse.  In fact, she lived with us while she attended nursing school when we lived in Hannibal, MO.  Interesting funny stories another time.  There were four of us girls and the older Margaret, plus my Mom and Dad.  It was a lively household.

Like most families, mine has unique pieces that fit together in some form or fashion, depending on the day and the picture they are trying to form.  Sunday was a good day, and everyone fit together well.  We hadn’t seen each other in some time, so families who have been close can frequently pick up where they left off and continue that love and caring.  It was very obvious that several of the key pieces are missing.  All of my aunts and uncles on that side of the family are gone, as are my grandparents.  My mother passed away at 49, her mother at 53.  Looking around the church, I wondered which one of us would be next.  Our family health legacy reads like a warning label.  It always has.  Yet it seems, no changes are made, doctors are consulted, medications prescribed, but no one seems to get better.  It made me really sad.

I missed the joking among the brothers and sisters and my Mom.  The old “remember when” stories.  The hymns sang around a piano with all joining in.  Card games and softball and visits to the barn to see livestock.  So what do we talk about at gatherings now of family?  I don’t know about at your house, but around the tables Sunday, it was who had what malady, who was taking new medications, so and so knows what to do to get her cholesterol levels down, but if you don’t do it, does that count?  And on and on.  Part of me wanted to get up on a table and shout “There is a better way!”  but I can’t, not yet.  They don’t want to hear the truth yet.  So we eat fried chicken, plan a family reunion to get together before we lose anyone else.  It is only us cousins now, to keep the families tied together, to remind our children about the family and who those people are on facebook and in old family photo albums.

Until taking this MKMMA Course, the jigsaw puzzles that we work in the metaphysical realm, we seem to work with all the pieces turned the wrong way up.  All we see is the brown backing, not the picture that would give us hints.  It is not unlike the golden buddha hidden underneath the cement.  We know that there is beauty underneath, but for some reason we don’t think, or don’t believe that we have the power to turn the pieces over and achieve a different, better, faster result.  We keep working in the old way, using the old blue print.There are many pieces, and they are all shaped differently, and unless placed perfectly, the puzzle will not function as a whole.

This is how I have felt, that some of the pieces have been laid in places where they did not fit, causing a pinch here, or an irritation there.  I try to ignore these and move on, but just can’t quite let go all the way.  In Part Fourteen, Haanel states in 24:

24. Yet there are many who are not ready to enter into the discipline necessary to think correctly, even though it is evident that wrong thinking has brought failure.

sunset-369498_1920-225. Thought is the only reality; conditions are but the outward manifestations; as the thought changes, all outward or material conditions must change in order to be in harmony with their creator, which is thought.

28. This discipline, this change of thought, this mental attitude will not only bring you the material things which are necessary for your highest and best welfare, but will bring health and harmonious conditions generally.

29. If you wish harmonious conditions in your life, you must develop an harmonious mental attitude.

30. Your world without will be a reflection of your wold within.

What is the result of a harmonious mental attitude?

Harmonious conditions in life.

I am certain the opposite is also true.

 

I chose not to push the buttons on this day, and will sit and concentrate on Harmony that all may be part of the Universal, that we may choose to relate to one another in love rather than competition, or through drama.

Think truly, and thy thoughts Shall the world’s famine feed; Speak truly, and each word of thine Shall be a fruitful seed; Live truly, and thy life shall be A great and noble creed.  ~ Horation Bonar

 

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Week 14 ~ Windmills, Waterfalls, and Wonder

A sudden light transfigures a trivial thing, a weather-vane, a windmill, a winnowing flail, the dust in the barn door; a moment - and the thing has vanished, because it was pure effect; but it leaves a relish behind it, a longing that the accident may happen again. Walter Pater
A sudden light transfigures a trivial thing, a weather-vane, a windmill, a winnowing flail, the dust in the barn door; a moment – and the thing has vanished, because it was pure effect; but it leaves a relish behind it, a longing that the accident may happen again.
Walter Pater

As I began to read Haanel’s Master Key 14, part of it jumped out at me. We were unable to reap the benefits of the law of electricity until someone understood it, formulated it (through organized thought), explained it to others (give more/get more), and then put it into practice (action).

This lead to my thought of what is it that I don’t know that I don’t know? What Universal Laws are impacting my life (or not impacting my life when I would love them in my life…!) because I have not recognized the benefits, formulated the thought, shared it with others, and put it into practice?

This time of year, we all speak about being grateful, about all the gifts that we can give, and those we receive. But we also complain. Many times, we complain more than we are grateful. I once had a boss who told me that one “awe shit” wipes out 10 “atta boys”. I believe this is true with gratitude and negativity as well. We cannot be grateful when we pray, or as we open a gift, and then complain all the way to the party and all the way home about the time, the effort, the money it took to attend the party and expect to reap the rewards of our gratitude.

Haanel talks about cutting off the root of the weed that we wish to remove from our life. The plant remains visible for a time before it withers and dies, unless we continue to water it, feed it, nourish it. What provides for this continued rebirth of the weed we don’t like? Our focus, our energy, our time, our attention. The same is true with relationships, with finances (do you focus on the joy of having money in your checking account or the pile of bills waiting to be paid?), with work, and with leisure time.

 

waterfall-828948-2Nature loves courage. You make the commitment and nature will respond to that commitment by removing impossible obstacles. Dream the impossible dream and the world will not grind you under, it will lift you up. This is the trick. This is what all these teachers and philosophers who really counted, who really touched the alchemical gold, this is what they understood. This is the shamanic dance in the waterfall. This is how magic is done. By hurling yourself into the abyss and discovering its a feather bed.

So what does this have to do with Windmills, Waterfalls, and Wonder? Here is my aha: If the Universal Mind has provided us with energy in the form of “windmills” and “waterfalls”, both of which can be used for good (generating electricity, providing water for people, or crops) or negative (tornados and floods and mudslides), I WONDER how I will CHOOSE to see the opportunity to use these universal laws to be the CHANNEL to enrich the world with the best use of MY wind and water? Will I choose to be destructive, and destroy everything in my path today with negativity or will I choose to be instructive, constructive and put my understanding and gifts to positive use to bless others?

The wonder of expectation, and being open to miracles and observation happened to me this Christmas.  It came in the whispered words of a grandchild who came close to my ear and said “I love you!”  There aren’t many blessings bigger than that!

Today, I chose hope, positivity, and being a channel for the universal mind to the greatest extent possible. Today, not only am I whole, perfect, strong, powerful, loving, harmonious, healthy and happy, but so are you! Blessings to you for 2017!

Week 13 ~ Persistence in the Face of Distraction

No webinar this week, no Mark J and Davene speaking truth and power into our minds, subbies, and our souls.  I have been developing habits, learning and linking skills, rewiring my brain to no longer fire as a result of the old blueprint and bad habits, but instead to seek out the new, improved plan that will carry me to my life’s purpose in harmony with the gifts bestowed within me.  Happy Dance!!!

Then something comes along, and just like a bump to an elbow when you are holding a paint brush, (or an eyeliner pencil) suddenly, you are leaving marks in places you hadn’t intended.  I have learned that focus is critical to achieving our definite major purpose.  The problem with focus is that it takes consistent effort and time.  It takes…. FOCUS!

Tclark-gable-394520-2his week, my mind has been scattered, my energy and my thought processes diverted to holiday preparations, sticking to my healthy choices planning, and preparing marketing to kick off the new year with a bang.  In the midst of all that, overwhelm kicks in.  Like a needle skipping across the LP vinyl record, nothing intelligible comes out.  Just gibberish.

So this morning, I sit and try to absorb the 13th Master Key.  I had no luck understanding or retaining the message until today, when I finally sat down and decided I was doing nothing else until I GOT IT!  First, reading silently, same paragraph over and over.  Nothing.  Prayerfully asking for understanding and inspiration.  Crickets.  Ok, let’s try another method.  Read it aloud with FEEEEELLLLLLIIIIINNNNGGGGG!

Yep, it clicked and blew me away.  A hiccup in my health tests had me distracted, and as is frequently the case, the message specifically for me was right there in front of me.

15. It will be found that the creative power of thought will explain every possible condition of experience, whether physical, mental or spiritual.  (Creative power of thought explains physical???)

16. Thought will bring about conditions in correspondence with the predominant mental attitude.  Therefore if we fear disaster, as fear is a powerful form of thought, disaster will be the certain result of our thinking.  It is this form of thought which frequently sweeps away the result of many years of toil and effort.  (A blip in a blood test means disaster, what if it is….. and my mind runs away with the awful possibilities.  Wait a minute!  I can CREATE a different experience!  I can be as the mariner and learn to ride out the storm!)

17. If we think of some form of material wealth we may secure it.  By concentrated thought the required conditions will be brought about, and the proper effort put forth, which will result in bringing about the circumstances necessary to realize our desires, but we often find that when we secure the things we thought we wanted, they do not have the effect we expected.  That is, the satisfaction is only temporary, or possibly is the reverse of what we expected.  (Haven’t we all seen or been the child who wanted the red sucker, only to receive it, and have her sister get the purple one, then WE want the purple one?)

18. What then, is the proper method of procedure?  What are we to think in order to secure what we really desire?  What you and I desire, what we all desire, what everyone is seeking is Happiness and Harmony.  If we can be truly happy we shall have everything the world can give.  If we are happy ourselves we can make others happy. (Give happiness, get happiness!  Next week, I will tell you my story about the smiley face necklace lesson.)

19. But we cannot be happy unless we have health, strength, congenial friends, pleasant environment, sufficient supply, not only to take care of our necessities, but to provide for those comforts and luxuries to which we are entitled.  (Wait…I’m entitled to luxury?  No, it says Luxuries, plural!  Another mind shift!)

20. The old orthodox way of thinking was to be “a worm,” to be satisfied with our portion whatever it is; but the modern idea is to know that we are entitled to the best of everything, that the “Father and I are one” and that the “Father” is the Universal Mind, the Creator, the Original Substance from which all things proceed.

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I have been thinking like a worm.  I just need to be happy where I am and eventually, someone will notice what a good little girl I am and will help me make all my dreams come true.  No!!  To be the Lioness I talked about last week, I must think, speak, and ACT like a Lioness!

23. Thought is a spiritual activity and is therefore creative, but make no mistake, thought will create nothing unless it is consciously, systematically, and constructively directed; and herein is the difference between idle thinking, which is simply a dissipation of effort , and constructive thinking which means practically unlimited achievement.  (I now notice here it does not say chronically running around disorganized, late, unfocused, forgetful like a chicken with your head cut off.)

I commit to constructive thinking, and action, even imperfect implementation, that will move the process forward.  As I move, the Universe moves to meet me.  It is already happening.  I can see it in the world around me, and I can see it in the mirror.  More achievement cards to write.  More belief to build.  I am the Lioness, I share happiness because

I am whole,

perfect,

strong,

powerful,

harmonious,

healthy

and happy!

I am whole, perfect, strong, powerful, harmonious, healthy and happy!
I am whole, perfect, strong, powerful, harmonious, healthy and happy!